The divorce rate currently stands at 50% (average according to DivorceRate.com). There are heartbreaks occuring left and right. Although “divorce” is happening within married couples and older people this post is aimed to you young ones. I observed over the years and in my own experiences that we tend feel a “need” to be in relationships starting at young ages, i.e. 14 – 17. Our first mistake is setting ourselves up for failure by “falling in love” at young ages when our lives are still the responsibilities of our parents and not our own.
I’m not judging, I’m just pointing out some harsh reality. Girls (as well as guys) change their ways of thinking around 18-20. They tend to become either more serious or less and with that, their standards for the opposite gender change as well.
Let me simplify: if you’re young and in a relationship, you are most likely going to end up in tears and “depressed” (if there was a word that would describe a lesser version of the word ‘depression’, I would use it here… it’s not really depression). I recommend for people in this position to read “When God Writes Your Love Story” by Eric & Leslie Ludy.
What we lack, and by “we” I’m referring to the younger Christian generation is trust in God. We don’t trust Him and we DEFINITELY would never admit it so that a brother or sister in Christ won’t judge us, but we don’t. It’s plain and simple. If you’re a girl or boy running from heartbreak to heartbreak, I’m talking to you. I was 15 when I had my first “crush” and felt that need to be in a relationship. Ever since then, there have been heartbreaks like dominoes falling. I would “trust” God to find me a wife after HIS own heart and lead me to her, but then I would go running around looking for girls and being “Mr. Confident” to impress and attract the ladies to me. God had His plan laid out in front of Him and was probably shaking his head watching me wander from left to right, from heartbreak to heartbreak.
After a heartbreak over four years ago in September, I went to a Romanian Pentecostal Convention in Arizona. I had my plan out in front of me. My plan was that I get at least 10 chicks’ numbers, lead them on and then break their hearts one by one. God saw that. I did not get all 10 numbers but I did get a few. My plan failed but I remember one night at the convention I sat outside with my brother, some friends and of course girls. One girl walked by that caught my attention but it wasn’t a girl from our “group”. My first reaction was “wow, she’s beautiful!” all of this in my head, of course. But then the player inside of me took over and after giving her an elevator look as she walked away and thinking I won’t ever see her again, I let the thought go. (I will kill this story though to tell you that the beautiful chick I saw was going to become my wife in a few months… keep reading and see how God put this together.)
After the convention, my plan was the same. Keep hooking up with those numbers. Not even a month after the convention, I got a message on royouth.com from a girl telling me that one of her friends has met us (my siblings and I) and that we were cool and that she should have met us. The mystery girl and I kept in touch for a while afterwards and not surprisingly: I got her number! Around October, we started talking more frequently. Something struck me about this girl. Then I found out what it was when I received a picture from her of her and a friend at the convention. It was the mystery girl that walked by and away! I didn’t think it was a coincidence. Something inside me clicked and all the other girls and numbers disappeared!
We got more serious and eventually became boyfriend/girlfriend. We met the April of the next year and fell in love instantly. I have prayed to God to either remove her or stick her to my heart according to His will. She was stuck like superglue. Over the years, problems arose within the church I attended which affected my faith and slowly, we put God out of the equation. Without God, there is no equation: hence a breakup that astonished people. That’s why I tell people all the time, ALWAYS KEEP GOD IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP!
Fresh into the breakup, I did the LAST thing I expected to do. What I was expecting to do was to go crazy and probably do something stupid. What I did do: I got on my knees and prayed. I didn’t want to but I felt the need to. My future wife and I were broken up for a little over a month, but that month felt like a year to me. That was the time I got closer to God again – the way it SHOULD HAVE been from the beginning. I read the Bible daily and we often hear people telling us that the Word will speak to us. I’ve heard that concept being made fun of by youth over the years. It’s true. You won’t know it until you are at the point in life where you’ll need it. So trust me, learn off of my skin and others. If you wait for it to happen to you, you’re going to hurt.
The Word encouraged me on and on, but I didn’t see the possibility of getting her back. It was impossible… to me. That comes back to lacking trust in God as I have mentioned earlier. With God, all things are possible.
On the way to work one night, deep in doubt and depression yet hanging on to every thread of faith that I can hold onto, I prayed and asked God ‘what do I need to do?’.
My radio was on K-love (Christian station) and before a song played, the radio host mentioned how the song was written. The lead singer and his wife have been having problems in their marriage and counseling did not help. Finally his wife came to him one day and told him what she needs him to do, “Lead me”. And then their song “Lead Me” (Sanctus Real) came on and that was my light bulb. God had that whole message and song played for me as the answer to my question. I needed to lead her so that if SHE falls, I will be there to catch her. I needed to strengthen MY faith so that when life’s speed bumps come our way, I will be there to overcome them. In order to be able to do that as a future husband, I need to rely on God and be strong in Him. That way my wife will be able to lean on me to strengthen her faith.
That song gave me hope but things were still not looking good. A revelation (Romanians refer to them as prophecies) from someone with the gift of prophecy revealed that she is mine and that I need to build a house on the rock for us and woe if I build it on the sand. (For those who are confused, I’m not talking about a real house. I’m talking about laying the foundation of faith for me and my future spouse)
That was the confidence booster. Before the breakup, I got a ticket to go to Arizona and I was debating whether to go or not. My family advised me not to (fearing I would come back to Texas a wreck). After the revelation, I decided to go. I was confident that God has indeed spoken.
Before the breakup, I became a godless man. I knew God was out there but it didn’t bother me. Sin didn’t bother me. Drinking once in a while didn’t bother me. In that month I was battling myself on and on how to CHANGE. I wanted to prove to my woman (at that point it was ex) that I have changed and I am only aiming and wanting the best for her and for us.
When I got there, I didn’t fear at all (which shocked me). She saw the change and by the end of the trip, she was my girlfriend again. We took communion together in church. It felt amazing!
We were back together again, but things were not fixed. The wound was still open. Doubt and lack of trust still existed. We slowly healed those together.
One of the prayers that comes to mind was asking God for ONE miracle. In that month, I prayed that God not only brings us back together but that the engagement is back on and that we marry earlier in the next year. In exchange, I promised to glorify God’s name with this miracle and that I will tell people how mighty and amazing He is.
I was asking for the “impossible”. In September, we got back together and our Thanksgiving weekend engagement happened. The wedding planning began shortly afterwards!
In a few months, I will be marrying my best friend. The mystery girl from the convention… The one that GOD has created for me.
To summarize, once again I’m going to tell you all to TRUST IN GOD! He already has your spouse picked out and your future in His plan. Trust Him! Read the book “When God Writes Your Love Story” for more specific information on this. Every story is unique. When I talk to Gabriela, we both agree that the breakup wasn’t pleasant but it HAD to happen. God was tossed aside and our love was forced. God is love and without Him, we fall in love and like a spark, it’ll extinguish and we’ll be left nothing but with bitterness and without God.
When a guy or girl breaks your heart, I know it’s hard to hear but GET OVER IT!!! God has a better plan. Maybe the heartbreak is your wakeup call because you departed yourself from Him. You will look back and say as I have, “WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?”
Me and my soon-to-be wife are very compatible. I found a perfect quote for us, “We are like a candy bar, half sweet/half nuts”. We’re silly and could drive each other crazy but we’re best friends, trusting and loving. There is nobody out there better for me than her. She was everything I wanted/needed and more.
Trust in God. Hand Him the pen to write your love story. God bless you.